Quit Saying That

I can’t say that it was definitely the first time I said it, but I remember being at my first “real” trail race and buying some stuff. The woman I was buying it from asked me what I ran that day (the race had a 10k, half marathon, marathon, 50k, and 50 mile). My answer:

I just did the half

I didn’t think much of it at the time. But the more I run, the more I hear people compare themselves to others and the more I hear it. And when I hear it, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

I’m JUST running a 5k. I’m ONLY doing the half marathon. My long run is JUST 8 miles.

Have we gotten so far from our beginnings as runners that we forget the first time we ran a mile and how AMAZING it felt? The first time I ran a 5k it was before dawn, in my neighborhood, and it took me 45 minutes. I felt like I had just climbed a mountain. In those predawn moments, I might have cried a little because I was amazed that I was even able to do such a thing.

What changed?

I have to think that part of it is due to knowing too much. When I trained for my first marathon, I just knew that was the pinnacle of running and I was the king of everything. But then I heard about ultramarathons (races longer than 26.2 miles) and I was immediately knocked down a peg and in my mind maybe I lessened my own accomplishments a little.

But let’s think about races and running. Typically, there’s always going to be someone out there that can perform a little better than you, that can run a little farther than you, and there will ALWAYS be someone that can make it look a little easier than you. But does that make you less of a runner? Less of a person?

Why aren’t we celebrating what we CAN do?

I volunteered at a race last year that had a 5k, half marathon, and full marathon. I was at the finish line, handing out “stuff”. Each finisher got a hat with their race distance on it as they crossed the finish line (which is totally cool race directors, take note). So, throughout my shift I had lots of folks saying they didn’t get a hat and asking if I could get them one. And when I asked them what distance they ran, I got so many:

I just the 5k, I only did the half

Before I got each of them their hat, I would stop and say something like, “you ran 3 miles that’s amazing! Let me go grab that for you!” or “You ran a 13 miles? You’ve done plenty of work today, let me go grab that”. It was fantastic to see their faces soften with the recognition that even though they tried to belittle their accomplishment, a stranger could see what they had done and celebrate it.

So what’s the moral here? Celebrate what you’re able to do, duh. Sure, most of us have room for improvement, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be proud of what we did today and make it fuel for tomorrow.

And, if you hang out with me and use the words only or just to describe your mileage or your race distance, I will most likely punch you (lightly) in the arm and I expect you to do the same to me (but be warned, if you punch me hard, I will punch you back..... harder). Running isn’t easy and we should really be giving ourselves more credit when we do it. ANY of it.

This is big

Sure, it was a big deal when I ran my first mile, 5k, half marathon, full marathon, 50k, and 50 miler. Those were big accomplishments for sure, but something even bigger has happened.

IT'S HUGE!!

What is it? Well, first a little back story. Look at all these pictures

What do these pictures have in common? I tried to help you with the arrows... Look at my shorts. Notice anything similar? 

If you know me, you know I'm not big on change. To say I'm a creature of habit is a HUGE understatement. I'm not good with change. And when I find something I like, I stick with it. Like say.... The shorts I started wearing in 2009..... Yep. The last time I bought shorts that I loved was at the 2010 Chicago marathon expo. I bought a few pairs because I was sure that the style I loved would soon be "improved" and go away. I was right. The newer versions were cut weird or didn't have built in underwear or some other nonsense. But I wasn't terribly stressed because I don't run everyday and I had about 4-5 pairs of the best shorts ever. What is there to stress about? Right?

About a year ago I started to look at shorts, knowing that my shorts would not last forever, no matter how good I was to them. Here's what I found.

1) I do not weigh six pounds and therefore I am not interested in what appears to be a 1/2" inseam.

2) Shorts may appear to be awesome in a dressing room but will actually wad up into a tiny ball between your thighs two yards into your run.

3) some shorts are designed for people that want extra poof in their abdomen. Really? Why is it SO poofy between the waist and the legs? 

4) Apparently some running wear companies do not believe that a runner might also lift weights. Are these shorts actually tapered at the bottom? I feel like the circulation in my quad is being cut off!

5) I'm doomed.

As you can tell, this was not going well. Nothing was working!! I thought about a Kickstarter campaign to bring back my magic shorts, but I doubt it would fly. So I scoured the Internet. I looked up suggestions, I read reviews, and just when I was about to give up hope.... I came across a pair that didn't look terrible...

Oiselle has a short called the long Roga that seemed to be made to not cutoff circulation in your quads and still looked cute. So I gave them a shot. And then the Angels sang!!!!!

To be fair, I haven't tested them in southern Indiana summers, but I have run 10 miles on a treadmill in them. And I love them! Maybe miracles do exist!

30 days of eating better is dunzo! So, what now?

As I wrote about earlier, I committed to cleaning up my diet for 30 days to start the year out on the right foot, start some better habits, and maybe drop a couple pounds.

How did it go, you ask?

Weeeeellllll….. I think it went ok. By the third week I started to feel like a human again and by the fourth week I felt downright good! Success! Here’s some things I learned along the way:

1.    I’m like Pavlov’s dogs. One day I HEARD a candy wrapper and immediately started salivating. I’m not exaggerating. I’ve read that the brain reacts to sugar in the same way it reacts to cocaine and I can kind of believe it. I smoked cigarettes for over 10 years before I quit. Now, when I smell them, it’s not appealing to me at all. In fact, I can barely remember the person that needed a cigarette in the morning, before bed, when something good happened, when something bad happened, when dinner was cooking, when dinner was done… well you get the idea. It almost seems like it was a completely different person that did that. But man, you unwrap a payday and I am a drool monster that is willing to tackle a person for some delicious sugary snacks.

2.    I’m always surprised that cheese is not a food group that is vital to my survival. I love cheese, don’t get me wrong. But when I’ve cut out dairy, my guts tend to thank me and I’m always surprised that my life can indeed be full and worth living without everything being drowned in some kind of cheesy magic.

3.    Just because I LIKE to have beer on long run night doesn’t mean I HAVE to have a beer on long run night. There’s nothing wrong with a delicious beer, but I think I get into such a habit in what I eat and drink that I don’t even think about what I WANT anymore. This helped me do that.

4.    I can make my own mayonnaise and it turns out when it’s not some junk that been on a grocery store shelf for 6 months, it tastes REALLY good.

5.    Cooking can feel like a chore, no doubt about it. But it can also be kind of fun. I was surprised that a weekend that involved cooking some things for the week, made me really happy during the week. Also, cooking something in the crockpot overnight is a really good solution for those of us that assume that leaving a crockpot on while you go to work will inevitably result in your house burning down while you are at work. Cook it at night! Throw it into containers in the morning and you have a delicious dinner waiting for you when you get home! GENIUS!

What am I going to do now that the 30 days is over? Well, my plan is to try to keep things 90% awesome and 10% treats. But for the time being, I have to stay away from non long run related sugar. Because I know myself well enough to know that the sugar demon is going to need a bit more time in the cooling tank before he can behave. In fact, I went to a super bowl party and stayed away from the sugar! And you know what,  I was still able to have fun! Who knew?

Trail memory

Have you heard about scent memory? Somehow maybe a smell reminds you of a specific time or place. Almost like you're right back there. You know, like when some dude walks into a room wearing Drakkar Noir I immediately flash back to every dude in high school that thought they were awesome. And it isn't just a memory, it overwhelms me. All the awkward awful high school moments and boys I had a crush on that of course liked my best friend and not me and then I end up crying again......

I digress.

This post wasn't meant to be about high school. But that's how scent memory works for me. It doesn't just remind me of it. It takes me back to it. Obviously sometimes the results are not nessecarily  fun.

So this weekend I'm out on one of my favorite trails that I train on all the time and as I'm rounding a corner I flash back to a great run with a dear friend. We ran "with" the same group (she's a bit faster than me) but rarely together. This one random day we set out for a run that ended up being a sheer delight. Running with this person always felt like therapy to me. So I treasured them. 

And today, on this one random trail, I got to re-feel a wonderfully therapeutic run. And it was awesome. 

I've met some of my closest friends through running. Some of them still run, some have stopped, some just trained for that one bucket list race and then moved on. But I love that running helped bring these people into my life. And I LOVE that sometimes out of nowhere I get to relive some of those moments that make me extra grateful for my sport and my community.

It was a good run. Filled with stupid grins and rainbows and unicorns. Gotta tuck that away and pull it out when I'm stuck in  run that sucks so badly that I want to blow chunks.

A New Headlamp = NEW FUN!

After going to a few 100 milers, my brain has gotten used to the general idea that "people" run trails at night. There are even some races in my area that are specifically that, night races. But, there has always been this part of me that still thought.... That's ridiculous.

I did start the Dances With Dirt 50k in Hell, Michigan in the dark, but somehow that didn't count in my mind. This weekend, that changed and it was SUPER FUN!

For Christmas I got a fancy new Petzl Tikka RXP headlamp. I don't like to wear headlamps, but I had this idea that if I had a higher quality headlamp I might feel a little more comfortable with night running. TheTikka RXP is recharable, has a comfy headband, AND it has fancy pants reactive lighting! So, when there's more light in your environment, it dims itself, when it's really dark out, it shines brighter. It also has a wider beam than my old headlamp, it turns out that takes away from some of the tunnel vision problems I get with a headlamp. So, basically, it's magic. Like a magic genie lamp that's strapped to your head. And the strap is orange, which I also enjoy.

So, back to my run this weekend. I wanted to get on the trails, and running with someone sounded more fun than running alone, so started making plans to run with a friend. But, she had to start early.... Like pre-sunrise early. Normally, this would result in me saying, well, let's just run on roads then. But this time, we said no let's run on trails, in the dark. We somehow roped another friend into a predawn start and from there the plan was set.

For some reason, the simple act of running for 30-40 minutes on the trail before dawn, made the run infinitely more exciting to me. I couldn't wait for Saturday to come. That's a feeling I've been missing. I love to run, but it becomes so automatic for me that I sometimes forget how much I LOVE to run. 

I got to the parking lot early and looked into the woods with with the light from my car lights.

I was nervous, excited, and darn near giddy. When all three of us were there we nervously chatted for a bit and then we were off. Slower and quieter than normal, I kept adjusting my headlamp to get it comfortable and trying to figure out where is the best place to look. Before I knew it there was a bit of light in the sky and we had already gone a mile. Once the sun really started rising, we picked up the pace to try to get the best view and the best picture of the rising sun. My friend behind me kept saying, hurry! We have to get to the top of that over there! And the views just kept get better! I definitely screamed NATURE with a raised fist as we skittered up to one ridge line and then next trying to get the best view.

For a recovering slightly burnt out runner, this run was a breath of fresh air. Instead of worrying about mileage, speed, splits, fuel, and bib numbers, I was out in the woods with two great friends, racing a sunrise. Runs like this make me fall in love with running all over again. And that's exactly what I needed.

I'm Gonna Eat Better!

In 2013 I turned the way I run and the way I eat upside down. I started heart rate training and I cleaned up the way I eat….big time. People in my gym were all atwitter about this thing called the Whole 30. I heard them talk about how exciting it was so I looked into it. I looked into it and immediately decided that it was stupid, restrictive, and impossible. And then a month or two later as is often the case with stubborn, overreacting, alarmist people like myself, I calmed the heck down and decided to give it a shot (you know, once I pretended that it was all my idea, of course). I learned a lot from it and once I got over the initial feeling awful part a felt great!

So, what is it? Well for30 days you cut out dairy, grains, legumes, and sugar (and sugar substitutes). Oh my lord, what’s left? Well, tons of veggies, protein, fruit, and nuts! FYI, peanuts are a legume, not a nut. This was a fact that resulted in a few false starts for my husband’s first Whole 30. Here’s the website for more detailed information:

http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/

Anywhoo…. As 2013 turned into 2014 my “eat right 90% of the time with a treat occasionally” way of eating slowly turned into “eat right 20% of the time, not awful 40%, and total crap %40 but still pretend you’re doing well”. Why was I gaining weight, achy, not recovering as well, etc? Well, around the time that I admitted I was burnt out on training, I had to admit that my diet had turned to not good. Time to clean it all up!

And what a great time to start,  January 1^st! I’m not a typical new year’s resolution gal, but my gym and a few of my closest friends were all doing a Whole 30 starting on January 1^st. So, I reckon that’s as good a time as any right? Weeelllllll, kind of right. I might have eaten my body weight in sugar in the month of December in preparation. Oh, and I might have had a sugar binge to end all sugar binges on December 31^st, but hey, I never said I was smart.

Now I have a plan to blog my way through a Whole 30. Ok, I plan to do at least a couple posts on it.

I’m seven days in now and here’s a few excerpts from some ongoing exchanges I’m having with friends as we stumble through another Whole 30 together.

- (Day 2) Talk about New Year’s Eve binge. I definitely had more fruit than I should have yesterday to avoid diabetic shock. I was wolfing down baby food on the way to my run to avoid the sugar shakes.

- (Day 3) Oh good, I think my sugar withdrawal headache just arrived, I was afraid I would miss it. The good thing is that they seem to come in nausea inducing waves. At least they aren’t constant.

- (Day 4) Today’s run was brought to you by… Oh my god my body hates me and doesn’t know how to use energy.

-(Day 6) – I seem to be entering the I hate everything phase of this Whole 30. I got violently angry at my husband yesterday because he was cutting up cauliflower the wrong way. You know, totally normal to freak out about that, right?

Things I learned today;

1)      Maybe I AM a bit moody and should keep to myself

2)      Don’t try to explain to anyone how I’m eating because they will be hateful and unsupportive and I will want to drop kick them. (absolutely not overreacting, right?)

- (Day 7) - I went running, at a low heart rate yesterday and IT FELT LIKE AWFUL!!! I don't even know if I was too hungry or what but I felt like I was dying.

Sure this sounds awful, and right now it is, I'm not going to lie. But I have to think that part of the reason it seems so awful is because my body has become so used to eating garbage that it's taking it a minute or two to figure out how to fuel itself on

ACTUAL NUTRITIOUS FOOD.

Will it get better? Oh my good night I hope so. But in the mean time, if you see me looking like a hot mess and then I snap your head off for no apparent reason, please forgive me.

Onward!

 

And now for something completely different....

Back in 2011 I started getting group personal training at a gym. I was kind of broken as a runner and a human. A couple punches in the gut had me feeling miserable most days and I told my husband, "this is expensive, but I think it will help me feel like I'm moving forward in SOME way. And I need to feel that way." So, we found the money and I started a great relationship with a gym I love. I also found out that I had zillions of running muscle imbalances and enjoyed weightlifting. Who knew?

I did know I was burnt out on running and hurting. Running had turned into a never ending series of training for this and gotta hit this mileage and suddenly my hobby had started to feel like a job. At a time that I wasn't enjoying a lot of things in my life, the thing I was supposed to love doing wasn't even fun....My trainer at the gym was also a runner and she said, stick to half marathons for a bit so we can get you healthy and enjoying running again. So I did. When it got close to fall, I told her I was thinking maybe a full. She told me to wait for it. I took the year and didn't sign up for anything longer than a half marathon. Less stress, more running with friends and running for fun. I started to like running again and remembering how fun it was. And in 2012 I did three full marathons in 5 months and felt stronger than ever.

 Flash forward to 2014

2014 was a big year for me. I did my first 50 miler, attempted my second 50 miler, got in a few 50ks, and lots of good running along the way. But as November rolled in, I took a step back and realized I was 10 pounds heavier than I wanted to be… and I was tired. I was just sick and tired of always thinking I have a number to hit. Always looking at weekly mileage. Always running numbers. I was tired of the pressure from BIG race plans, tired of the “schedule”, and tired of that feeling that I HAD to go run for one reason or another. I think I was/am just a bit burnt out.

So, when I DNF’d at Tunnel Hill, I decided I would get excited about getting back to running for fun again. Running when I felt like it, not when a piece of paper or a looming race tells me I should. Just the thought of that felt nice. 

I also decided to get strong. I stormed into my gym one morning and told my trainers, "Guys, I want to be a weight lifter!" My current trainers who are not runners were thrilled to hear the plan and I realized I was really excited about it too. It gave me something new to focus on and it turned running back into something that I did because I love to do it. Running is a reward.

My thoughts for post Tunnel Hill running were to aim for 20 miles a week. My mileage for 50 mile training tended to hover around 40-50 miles a week. This was a BIG change. The first couple weeks I really felt like thirty would be better and then felt like a failure for not hitting the mark. But then I noticed my Achilles that was bugging me for a month or two was starting to feel better.... All the little things that I had accepted as normal after a year of lots of running were improving. THAT'S when 20 miles or less started to sound good for REAL.

My plan for the next few months? Get strong by lifting heavy things. I'll still be running, but I'll be running when it's fun. You know, "funning".