It’s the time of year where people start resolving..
I’m gonna eat better
I’m gonna clean the toilet more than once a quarter…
You know, the usual. Me? Well, I had a complete meltdown at
my gym the other day because my personal trainer asked me to set a goal.
Yep. Hysterical woman, table of one please?
We talked it through and I’ve thought about it a lot in the
days since. And I guess there are a few reasons why such a reasonable and appropriate question set
me off.
1. I set goals last year. And they were all thrown
out the window when my thyroid went to hell. I lost oodles (or all) of the
progress I had made in the gym and running. It was like being punched in the
gut and then looking up and watching all of your goals and plans flutter away.
2. I’m a runner. We love goals. We have goal races,
goal times, calorie intake goals, distance goals, pace goals, cute outfit goals…
we LOVE goals. However, in my current recovery state I can’t really set those.
When I met with my doc I was given (and agreed with) a hard NO on spring races.
That news was expected, but still a tough pill to swallow. But moving forward
from that the plans are so wishy washy. Maybe this, maybe that, adjust daily,
blah blah blah. Words like those are like nails on a chalkboard for someone
(like me) who loves schedules and game plans.
So, this paints kind of a bleak picture, sure. And I had no
idea a question like that would set me off. But what I did realize is that I have
been working on goals, they’re just different than any goals I've ever set since I began running and weightlifting.
In my current state it's MOST important for me to focus on what’s working NOW. When I go to
the gym it’s a victory when anything goes well. When I go for a run, it’s a
victory if it felt good during and after. My main and most important goal right
now is trying to listen and figure out what is working today, what worked
yesterday, what works in the next five minutes. If I look too far ahead, I tend
to get panicked or sad about what I can, can’t, might, or might not be able to do.
I guess it turns out I do have goals. They’re just different
goals than I’ve ever had. Maybe they are a bit less measurable, but for right now they are what I've got. And please don't ask me about them..... at least not anytime soon.
