30 days of eating better is dunzo! So, what now?

As I wrote about earlier, I committed to cleaning up my diet for 30 days to start the year out on the right foot, start some better habits, and maybe drop a couple pounds.

How did it go, you ask?

Weeeeellllll….. I think it went ok. By the third week I started to feel like a human again and by the fourth week I felt downright good! Success! Here’s some things I learned along the way:

1.    I’m like Pavlov’s dogs. One day I HEARD a candy wrapper and immediately started salivating. I’m not exaggerating. I’ve read that the brain reacts to sugar in the same way it reacts to cocaine and I can kind of believe it. I smoked cigarettes for over 10 years before I quit. Now, when I smell them, it’s not appealing to me at all. In fact, I can barely remember the person that needed a cigarette in the morning, before bed, when something good happened, when something bad happened, when dinner was cooking, when dinner was done… well you get the idea. It almost seems like it was a completely different person that did that. But man, you unwrap a payday and I am a drool monster that is willing to tackle a person for some delicious sugary snacks.

2.    I’m always surprised that cheese is not a food group that is vital to my survival. I love cheese, don’t get me wrong. But when I’ve cut out dairy, my guts tend to thank me and I’m always surprised that my life can indeed be full and worth living without everything being drowned in some kind of cheesy magic.

3.    Just because I LIKE to have beer on long run night doesn’t mean I HAVE to have a beer on long run night. There’s nothing wrong with a delicious beer, but I think I get into such a habit in what I eat and drink that I don’t even think about what I WANT anymore. This helped me do that.

4.    I can make my own mayonnaise and it turns out when it’s not some junk that been on a grocery store shelf for 6 months, it tastes REALLY good.

5.    Cooking can feel like a chore, no doubt about it. But it can also be kind of fun. I was surprised that a weekend that involved cooking some things for the week, made me really happy during the week. Also, cooking something in the crockpot overnight is a really good solution for those of us that assume that leaving a crockpot on while you go to work will inevitably result in your house burning down while you are at work. Cook it at night! Throw it into containers in the morning and you have a delicious dinner waiting for you when you get home! GENIUS!

What am I going to do now that the 30 days is over? Well, my plan is to try to keep things 90% awesome and 10% treats. But for the time being, I have to stay away from non long run related sugar. Because I know myself well enough to know that the sugar demon is going to need a bit more time in the cooling tank before he can behave. In fact, I went to a super bowl party and stayed away from the sugar! And you know what,  I was still able to have fun! Who knew?

Trail memory

Have you heard about scent memory? Somehow maybe a smell reminds you of a specific time or place. Almost like you're right back there. You know, like when some dude walks into a room wearing Drakkar Noir I immediately flash back to every dude in high school that thought they were awesome. And it isn't just a memory, it overwhelms me. All the awkward awful high school moments and boys I had a crush on that of course liked my best friend and not me and then I end up crying again......

I digress.

This post wasn't meant to be about high school. But that's how scent memory works for me. It doesn't just remind me of it. It takes me back to it. Obviously sometimes the results are not nessecarily  fun.

So this weekend I'm out on one of my favorite trails that I train on all the time and as I'm rounding a corner I flash back to a great run with a dear friend. We ran "with" the same group (she's a bit faster than me) but rarely together. This one random day we set out for a run that ended up being a sheer delight. Running with this person always felt like therapy to me. So I treasured them. 

And today, on this one random trail, I got to re-feel a wonderfully therapeutic run. And it was awesome. 

I've met some of my closest friends through running. Some of them still run, some have stopped, some just trained for that one bucket list race and then moved on. But I love that running helped bring these people into my life. And I LOVE that sometimes out of nowhere I get to relive some of those moments that make me extra grateful for my sport and my community.

It was a good run. Filled with stupid grins and rainbows and unicorns. Gotta tuck that away and pull it out when I'm stuck in  run that sucks so badly that I want to blow chunks.

A New Headlamp = NEW FUN!

After going to a few 100 milers, my brain has gotten used to the general idea that "people" run trails at night. There are even some races in my area that are specifically that, night races. But, there has always been this part of me that still thought.... That's ridiculous.

I did start the Dances With Dirt 50k in Hell, Michigan in the dark, but somehow that didn't count in my mind. This weekend, that changed and it was SUPER FUN!

For Christmas I got a fancy new Petzl Tikka RXP headlamp. I don't like to wear headlamps, but I had this idea that if I had a higher quality headlamp I might feel a little more comfortable with night running. TheTikka RXP is recharable, has a comfy headband, AND it has fancy pants reactive lighting! So, when there's more light in your environment, it dims itself, when it's really dark out, it shines brighter. It also has a wider beam than my old headlamp, it turns out that takes away from some of the tunnel vision problems I get with a headlamp. So, basically, it's magic. Like a magic genie lamp that's strapped to your head. And the strap is orange, which I also enjoy.

So, back to my run this weekend. I wanted to get on the trails, and running with someone sounded more fun than running alone, so started making plans to run with a friend. But, she had to start early.... Like pre-sunrise early. Normally, this would result in me saying, well, let's just run on roads then. But this time, we said no let's run on trails, in the dark. We somehow roped another friend into a predawn start and from there the plan was set.

For some reason, the simple act of running for 30-40 minutes on the trail before dawn, made the run infinitely more exciting to me. I couldn't wait for Saturday to come. That's a feeling I've been missing. I love to run, but it becomes so automatic for me that I sometimes forget how much I LOVE to run. 

I got to the parking lot early and looked into the woods with with the light from my car lights.

I was nervous, excited, and darn near giddy. When all three of us were there we nervously chatted for a bit and then we were off. Slower and quieter than normal, I kept adjusting my headlamp to get it comfortable and trying to figure out where is the best place to look. Before I knew it there was a bit of light in the sky and we had already gone a mile. Once the sun really started rising, we picked up the pace to try to get the best view and the best picture of the rising sun. My friend behind me kept saying, hurry! We have to get to the top of that over there! And the views just kept get better! I definitely screamed NATURE with a raised fist as we skittered up to one ridge line and then next trying to get the best view.

For a recovering slightly burnt out runner, this run was a breath of fresh air. Instead of worrying about mileage, speed, splits, fuel, and bib numbers, I was out in the woods with two great friends, racing a sunrise. Runs like this make me fall in love with running all over again. And that's exactly what I needed.

I'm Gonna Eat Better!

In 2013 I turned the way I run and the way I eat upside down. I started heart rate training and I cleaned up the way I eat….big time. People in my gym were all atwitter about this thing called the Whole 30. I heard them talk about how exciting it was so I looked into it. I looked into it and immediately decided that it was stupid, restrictive, and impossible. And then a month or two later as is often the case with stubborn, overreacting, alarmist people like myself, I calmed the heck down and decided to give it a shot (you know, once I pretended that it was all my idea, of course). I learned a lot from it and once I got over the initial feeling awful part a felt great!

So, what is it? Well for30 days you cut out dairy, grains, legumes, and sugar (and sugar substitutes). Oh my lord, what’s left? Well, tons of veggies, protein, fruit, and nuts! FYI, peanuts are a legume, not a nut. This was a fact that resulted in a few false starts for my husband’s first Whole 30. Here’s the website for more detailed information:

http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/

Anywhoo…. As 2013 turned into 2014 my “eat right 90% of the time with a treat occasionally” way of eating slowly turned into “eat right 20% of the time, not awful 40%, and total crap %40 but still pretend you’re doing well”. Why was I gaining weight, achy, not recovering as well, etc? Well, around the time that I admitted I was burnt out on training, I had to admit that my diet had turned to not good. Time to clean it all up!

And what a great time to start,  January 1^st! I’m not a typical new year’s resolution gal, but my gym and a few of my closest friends were all doing a Whole 30 starting on January 1^st. So, I reckon that’s as good a time as any right? Weeelllllll, kind of right. I might have eaten my body weight in sugar in the month of December in preparation. Oh, and I might have had a sugar binge to end all sugar binges on December 31^st, but hey, I never said I was smart.

Now I have a plan to blog my way through a Whole 30. Ok, I plan to do at least a couple posts on it.

I’m seven days in now and here’s a few excerpts from some ongoing exchanges I’m having with friends as we stumble through another Whole 30 together.

- (Day 2) Talk about New Year’s Eve binge. I definitely had more fruit than I should have yesterday to avoid diabetic shock. I was wolfing down baby food on the way to my run to avoid the sugar shakes.

- (Day 3) Oh good, I think my sugar withdrawal headache just arrived, I was afraid I would miss it. The good thing is that they seem to come in nausea inducing waves. At least they aren’t constant.

- (Day 4) Today’s run was brought to you by… Oh my god my body hates me and doesn’t know how to use energy.

-(Day 6) – I seem to be entering the I hate everything phase of this Whole 30. I got violently angry at my husband yesterday because he was cutting up cauliflower the wrong way. You know, totally normal to freak out about that, right?

Things I learned today;

1)      Maybe I AM a bit moody and should keep to myself

2)      Don’t try to explain to anyone how I’m eating because they will be hateful and unsupportive and I will want to drop kick them. (absolutely not overreacting, right?)

- (Day 7) - I went running, at a low heart rate yesterday and IT FELT LIKE AWFUL!!! I don't even know if I was too hungry or what but I felt like I was dying.

Sure this sounds awful, and right now it is, I'm not going to lie. But I have to think that part of the reason it seems so awful is because my body has become so used to eating garbage that it's taking it a minute or two to figure out how to fuel itself on

ACTUAL NUTRITIOUS FOOD.

Will it get better? Oh my good night I hope so. But in the mean time, if you see me looking like a hot mess and then I snap your head off for no apparent reason, please forgive me.

Onward!

 

And now for something completely different....

Back in 2011 I started getting group personal training at a gym. I was kind of broken as a runner and a human. A couple punches in the gut had me feeling miserable most days and I told my husband, "this is expensive, but I think it will help me feel like I'm moving forward in SOME way. And I need to feel that way." So, we found the money and I started a great relationship with a gym I love. I also found out that I had zillions of running muscle imbalances and enjoyed weightlifting. Who knew?

I did know I was burnt out on running and hurting. Running had turned into a never ending series of training for this and gotta hit this mileage and suddenly my hobby had started to feel like a job. At a time that I wasn't enjoying a lot of things in my life, the thing I was supposed to love doing wasn't even fun....My trainer at the gym was also a runner and she said, stick to half marathons for a bit so we can get you healthy and enjoying running again. So I did. When it got close to fall, I told her I was thinking maybe a full. She told me to wait for it. I took the year and didn't sign up for anything longer than a half marathon. Less stress, more running with friends and running for fun. I started to like running again and remembering how fun it was. And in 2012 I did three full marathons in 5 months and felt stronger than ever.

 Flash forward to 2014

2014 was a big year for me. I did my first 50 miler, attempted my second 50 miler, got in a few 50ks, and lots of good running along the way. But as November rolled in, I took a step back and realized I was 10 pounds heavier than I wanted to be… and I was tired. I was just sick and tired of always thinking I have a number to hit. Always looking at weekly mileage. Always running numbers. I was tired of the pressure from BIG race plans, tired of the “schedule”, and tired of that feeling that I HAD to go run for one reason or another. I think I was/am just a bit burnt out.

So, when I DNF’d at Tunnel Hill, I decided I would get excited about getting back to running for fun again. Running when I felt like it, not when a piece of paper or a looming race tells me I should. Just the thought of that felt nice. 

I also decided to get strong. I stormed into my gym one morning and told my trainers, "Guys, I want to be a weight lifter!" My current trainers who are not runners were thrilled to hear the plan and I realized I was really excited about it too. It gave me something new to focus on and it turned running back into something that I did because I love to do it. Running is a reward.

My thoughts for post Tunnel Hill running were to aim for 20 miles a week. My mileage for 50 mile training tended to hover around 40-50 miles a week. This was a BIG change. The first couple weeks I really felt like thirty would be better and then felt like a failure for not hitting the mark. But then I noticed my Achilles that was bugging me for a month or two was starting to feel better.... All the little things that I had accepted as normal after a year of lots of running were improving. THAT'S when 20 miles or less started to sound good for REAL.

My plan for the next few months? Get strong by lifting heavy things. I'll still be running, but I'll be running when it's fun. You know, "funning".

 

Tunnel Hill 50 Miler... First DNF!

Back in March I did my first 50 miler.... it didn't go according to plan. I try really hard to never say never, but I was close to saying it on that one. Then this fall I was grateful I didn't. I had gotten my gut issues in check and I was feeling pretty confident. Confident enough to sign up for another 50 miler! Especially when one that fit my bill appeared. It was flat, less than 4 hour drive, and a bit more scenic than the never ending hallway in Kansas. So, I signed up!

My goal was, no stress. Train in a way that's fun. Just because the course is flat doesn't mean that all the training runs have to be on flat boring stuff. And I had a nice summer of running.

Then I rolled my ankle and landed in a walking boot for a week. But when my ankle felt ok, I figured... why not give the race a try? What's the worst that could happen?

Well, fall is tricky in Indiana. It could be 80 degrees or it could be sub zero. My race weekend got the arctic blast. I prefer cooler temps, so this wasn't a terrible thing. But it's been so warm here I wasn't quite sure what to even wear!

On race day my husband would be meeting me at a few spots along the way with a friend, so it was a nice way to break up the race. Race day morning came and I was off! The sun was out and the trail was beautiful. I tried to take it easy and settle my head into what was about to happen. I couldn't think about 50 to go. I was just thinking aid station to aid station. And before the first aid station.... I rolled my bad ankle. Yep. Flat trail, not much crap on it.... this girl rolls an ankle. I think it was on one of these stupid thingies. I hate them.

It hurt and it scared my quite a bit. But I could still run on it, so I figured I'd take it one aid station at a time. No need to panic just yet. My plantar fasciitis in that foot was also flaring up. Ive dealt with Plantar Fasciitis for so long, it has become a very familiar pain. Like a crappy annoying cousin. I knew that as long as it didn't get worse... I would be fine. And sometimes it even gets better! So again, back to one aid station at a time.


The miles started to roll by and I was happy with how great my guts felt, how strong my legs were and that the sun was shining. Before we hit 10 miles I even got to pass by a goat farm! My husband has an off and on dream of us owning goats. We don't even manage our dogs well, so this isn't really an option. But I definitely yelped out GOATS when I saw them and thought about how I'm going to brag to him about the goats when I see him.

The first turn around was at a lovely nature center thingy that had indoor toilets! This is a huge luxury in a race and I took full advantage. After the pit stop I made sure they caught my number and headed out to see my husband for the first time at mile 16ish. I was losing interest in the race a nit, kind of blah, when I ran into a fella that I knew through friends but had never actually met in person.I ran up to him, introduced myself and then we immediately hugged each other. It was just the pick me up I needed to get my head in the right place and get things moving.


 A few miles later, I got to see my husband! He helped me refill my hydration pack. He seemed like he was having a decent day and I was feeling ok, so I didn't mention the ankle roll and I was off again. I would see him in ten more miles.

The break with my husband had slowed down my blistering pace (kidding, I've never had a blistering pace), so I did some walking. While walking I tried not to think too much about how far I had to go and how long it would take me, so I put on my ipod and started running. The running wasn't fast, but it calmed me down. With my nerves settled, I enjoyed a few nice miles of run/walking. Then my foot started to hurt.

The plantar facitiis pain had eased up but never really gone away, but this new pain was on the top of my foot. So I had the equivalent of a sandwich of pain on my left foot. I stopped and loosened my laces, assuming that would help. Top of the foot pain is not a new thing for me. In fact, I started lacing my shoes like this a while ago to help.

It flares up occasionally, but typically loosening my shoelaces does the trick. So, with my loosened laces I was off again. Running still felt great on my legs, but the looser shoelaces weren't helping the pain. Every time my foot came down it hurt. I was getting pissed off, then upset, then frustrated. Then I said to myself, "this sucks, what can you do to change it?"

I stopped again... I loosened more ...I rearranged the laces stop again.... puffed the tongue of the shoe up so that it was barely touching the top of my foot... still no help. I did some deep breathing, certain that I could breathe away the pain. I re laced my shoe again, no help. I even untied the shoe completely and tried to figure out if I could walk with it like that. No luck. And then I thought...

Is DNFing a thing that I do?

When I did my first 50 miler I definitely fantasized about DNFing, because I wanted to be done. But in reality, my body felt ok-ish even if my guts hated me. I knew I wouldn't DNF that race. But that was then. On the day of the Tunnel Hill 50 miler I was limping down a trail with an unlaced shoe wincing every time my foot hit the ground.... at mile 22... This was a new thing.

And I'm not a good walker. To say I'm a casual walker is a huge understatement. I'm a 22-23 minute mile walker. I stroll. Add an occasional limp? Definitely not zoom.

So I got kind of sad, there wasn't anyone around me at the time, which was probably a good thing. Those strangers can be so darn uplifting and encouraging and frankly, I needed to have a conversation with myself that I hadn't ever considered having before:

I'll just commit to the next aid station (that's a thing I've heard people say in this type of situation). But the aid stations were 5 miles apart. It's not like could make up my mind every two miles or so.

Is this an injury? Or is this a reason to be done with this race early? Sheesh... that was a tough one. It hurt, but running hurts. But I was unlacing my shoes and considering hobbling 26 miles on unlaced shoes... I mean, that's not a normal hurt? Is it? Is a 50 mile race worth it if you end up in the ER? Is that an overly dramatic sentence?And then an important question

Am I really prepared to walk/limp for 26 miles?

Oof. That sounded terrible.

I texted my husband and said that my foot hurts, grab some of the old Asics out of the trunk of my car for when I see you. Was it really going to help? I don't know. But it was the last shot I had.

I then had some lovely people stop and chat as they sped along the trail. One girl encouraged me to try some ibuprofen and see if that helps (masking pain in a situation like a 50 mile race has never seemed like a good idea for me). Then there was this lovely couple that walked with me for a bit. They were saying we could all take a break at the 26 mile aid station and then go back out. I mean we had 30 HOURS to finish the race, what's the hurry. But as they sped away at a comfortable walk for them, I knew what my answer was.

The answer was, it just wasn't my day. It sucks, but that's just what it is. Because the thing is, I LOVE running. And I love races. But I'm not going to let some macho BS attitude make me finish a race crippled and miserable and hating running. Where would that leave me?

So, I texted my husband and said that I didn't think new shoes were going to help. And then I hobbled along. I did try to run a few more times juuuuuust to make sure. But it wasn't working.

When I finally got to my husband he had that terrified locked up look he gets when he doesn't know what to say or how to act. I told him it was ok, he didn't need to be scared. Then I said:

I think I'm done, is that lame?

Everyone agreed that if it's not working, then it's not working. So I was done. And that's that.

Did I question my decision? Yeah, quite a bit. Until I realized that it hurt too much to wear a sock or have a bedsheet resting on my foot the entire night after I got back to the hotel room. And that was ending at 26 miles. Just think of how much worse it could have been.

It sucks that it didn't work out. My guts felt great, my legs felt great, my brain was behaving for the most part. But, running is supposed to be fun. Sure, it's not always rainbows and unicorns. And part of the reason I like distance running is because you do have find the new levels of "working through" stuff. But if it HURTS and it SUCKS, being intelligent enough to call it is important too. I guess I can do smart stuff every now and then. I feel like I got to see another part of being a long distance runner. The part where you love running enough to know that being able to run is more important than one race.

What's next? I dunno? The good thing is, I don't hate running. And my foot is already feeling oodles better.

Another 50 miler? Tunnel Hill next year? We'll see. I mean... I didn't even get to run through the tunnel. But right now, I'm just happy to be training for nothing and running. That sounds lovely.

And then everything changes... Or does it?

If you’re following my current bad idea storyline, you’ll know that I recently did a road full marathon and was priming myself for a tough trail full the next week. This was by far one of the silliest plans I have come up with to date, but why not, right?

And then....

On the Tuesday night before the trail full marathon I was going to a local trail to meet a friend for a six mile run. I had about zero interest in running all day, so when she mentioned joining me I was thrilled! When I got to the trail I saw her text saying she had been called back to work. She was pissed, I was disappointed, but I figured, hey I'm already here, let's knock out some miles and get on with things. It started out beautiful, but I quickly realized that the lovely fall leaves had started to fall in a big way which means POTENTIAL DEATHTRAP to those of us weak ankle types. So I tried to keep my steps quick and my knees high. Three ankle rolls on my right side later, I was ready to be done. They were thankfully all manageable rolls, but enough for me to realize that it wasn't my day. The sun was setting, I was alone in the woods, hadn't grabbed my cellphone, and all the tiny woodland creatures preparing for winter sounded like potential ax murderers hunting me down.... So, off I went. All the while trying to figure out the quickest and safest way to have this run be finished. 

And then I got the screaming curse words ankle roll on my left side. It was a doozy. I stopped and screamed and cussed. But realizing I was still alone in the woods, a mile away from the trailhead, and racing a setting sun… I started moving forward again. I was able to run for a bit, but once I took that first walk break, running was no longer an option. Ankle rolling pain is typically an achy pain. The pain in my ankle was a stabbing pain that was on the inside of my ankle…. Which made no sense for an inward ankle roll (pain is typically on the outside). I got back to the car, locked the doors (to keep out the ax murderer squirrels) and thanked my lucky stars that I survived such a series of poor choices.

The next day…..

My ankle still felt terrible. 

So, I did the grown up thing and called a doc. I’m not a big “let’s wait and see” type. If it hurts, and the pain is different than a standard ankle roll, why would I mess around? The good news is that the x-rays came back showing no breaks in the big bones (yeah) and the ligaments and tendons looked ok (yeah). The bad news was that there was a slllliiiiiiggggghhhhtttt chance that there is a tiny bone that doesn’t x-ray well that might be broken. And I got the boot.

The boot allowed me to walk without looking like a hunchback, so that was good. Then I asked the questions I was afraid to ask.

Me: Sooo….. no trail marathon on Saturday, huh? 

Doc: NO! 

Me: How’s about this 50 mile race I’m supposed to do on the 15^th of November? Is that out too?

Doc: Not necessarily.

The rules of the game were explained to me this way.

1.      Wear the boot when it hurts.

2.      When it doesn’t hurt, walk without the boot… if walking without the boot doesn’t hurt.

3.      If walking without the boot doesn’t hurt, try running without the boot, BUT ONLY ON FLAT SURFACES! (that means roads)

4.      If I can run without pain, then the 50 miler is on

When a doc makes rules, I follow them. It’s that simple. Because what’s the point of going to a doc if you’re  going to ignore what they say and do what you want to anyway? Right?

The weird thing is that when I left the office I expected to be really sad and stressed about missing the marathon, messing up training, and possibly missing this fifty miler I have been training for. But… I wasn’t. No lying. The words I kept thing were:

It’s just stupid running and it’s just a couple of races. There are races all the time.

It’s not like the doc said I was to remain immobile for the next three years! It’s just running. In fact, I got kind of excited that I could get my car worked on Saturday morning since I couldn’t do a long run. The part that stressed me out the most was telling other people because I didn’t want to deal with THEM freaking out and acting like it’s a big deal. It isn’t. It’s just stupid running!

Where am I at now? Well, a week after the “incident” I had been walking without pain and without boot for about three days and was able to knock out 6 miles without foot pain! I’m still generous with icing my foot. But I feel like I’m out of the woods. And the fifty seems to be back on the table. 

What’s my training plan? Welp, there’s no point in trying to make up for lost time. I’m going to play out the taper the way I had planned and pay close attention to how my foot deals with a few 10ish mile runs. I would consider myself cautiously optimistic, but not unrealistic. If I go out for a 10-12 mile run and it hurts, I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t just so I can do a stupid race. I’ve watched that scene play out with other runners and it rarely ends well.