I read a few old blog posts today, which is awesome, because
it’s kind of like having a diary to go back to. It was really cool to read some
things about old races and training, what worked, what failed, what seemed like
a good idea, what was a horrible idea. But the weirdest thing was that it
almost felt like I was reading about someone else’s life. I mean, I remember
all those things, but when was that me?
I get it, things change, goals change, people change, blah
blah blah… but I didn’t realize how I have changed and how much that shows in
my running.
Last year I tried to recreate my first 50k. I signed up for
the same race, signed up for the same marathon as a training run, I wanted to
recreate that magic. Obviously, my thyroid had different ideas; I DNF’d my
training marathon and never even got to the starting line of the 50k.
And a lot of things went to crap from there….
But a lot of things got really cool…..
I’ve found that the people in my life that liked me for more
than just running still like me and want to be around me. And the people that
only liked me because of running now awkwardly back out of a room when I say I don’t
have any races planned, they stare at me with sad puppy eyes, they say awkward
comments that sound like/might be insults, or completely disregard that ever ran, do run now, and will run more races in the future. It’s been sad and weird
and liberating to see that happen. It makes me care less about keeping all the
plates spinning because I’ve found out that half the plates that I was spinning
never cared if it was me spinning them or someone else.
Enough about plates….
I like running, I like runners, and I have found a new
appreciation for what I am able to do no matter how pretty or ugly it looks. And
my running has become oddly personal for a person who tends to share and
overshare many things.
So, it’s fun to see how different it is. Sure, there are
less blog posts, but that’s just how it is right now. And maybe that will
change. And maybe if/when it does change, it’ll change into something that’s
also awesome. It’s funny, because just when I think I have myself all figured out, I
don’t at all.
I guess that’s the neat part about life and running… you
never know how things are going to change. And trying to recreate a magic that
happened before will probably always fail, because that magic happened then….
Today I get to make new magic.
