Change is Weird

I read a few old blog posts today, which is awesome, because it’s kind of like having a diary to go back to. It was really cool to read some things about old races and training, what worked, what failed, what seemed like a good idea, what was a horrible idea. But the weirdest thing was that it almost felt like I was reading about someone else’s life. I mean, I remember all those things, but when was that me?

I get it, things change, goals change, people change, blah blah blah… but I didn’t realize how I have changed and how much that shows in my running.

Last year I tried to recreate my first 50k. I signed up for the same race, signed up for the same marathon as a training run, I wanted to recreate that magic. Obviously, my thyroid had different ideas; I DNF’d my training marathon and never even got to the starting line of the 50k.

And a lot of things went to crap from there….

But a lot of things got really cool…..

I’ve found that the people in my life that liked me for more than just running still like me and want to be around me. And the people that only liked me because of running now awkwardly back out of a room when I say I don’t have any races planned, they stare at me with sad puppy eyes, they say awkward comments that sound like/might be insults, or completely disregard that ever ran, do run now, and will run more races in the future. It’s been sad and weird and liberating to see that happen. It makes me care less about keeping all the plates spinning because I’ve found out that half the plates that I was spinning never cared if it was me spinning them or someone else.

Enough about plates….

I like running, I like runners, and I have found a new appreciation for what I am able to do no matter how pretty or ugly it looks. And my running has become oddly personal for a person who tends to share and overshare many things.

So, it’s fun to see how different it is. Sure, there are less blog posts, but that’s just how it is right now. And maybe that will change. And maybe if/when it does change, it’ll change into something that’s also awesome. It’s funny, because just when I think I have myself all figured out, I don’t at all.

I guess that’s the neat part about life and running… you never know how things are going to change. And trying to recreate a magic that happened before will probably always fail, because that magic happened then…. Today I get to make new magic.