Defining and redefining

Defining yourself is a weird thing. Redefining yourself is even weirder. But just allowing yourself to be seems to be the most fun.

When I started this blog I was a runner. I obsessed about running, I had goals about running, I read about running, I talked about running, I lost sleep about running… well you get the idea. Then I had the great thyroid shit-out of 2015. I had multiple breakdowns that involved me screaming BUT IF I CAN’T RUN WHO AM I!?!?!? That’s not a great place to be for someone who has struggled with depression for as long as she can remember. It was terrifying. The thyroid shit-out forced me to slow down and reassess, which was super lame… but helpful.

Four years later, I really enjoy Olympic Weightlifting, I love hiking, I love walking, my shoes last for MONTHS, I read a lot of books, I enjoy doing puzzles (did I mention I’m a 100 year old lady), I see my husband more, I volunteer at races A LOT, and I still run. 

I didn’t run much at all for a year or so, but started doing it more this summer, just a mile here and there or a bit of jogging thrown into my walking. And the difference was, I was just doing it because I liked it. I do miss the feeling after a long trail run when I sit and space out with a travel mug of luke warm coffee. I don’t miss that it took my entire Saturday EVERY Saturday to get that feeling. But I love that now that I’m not training for a race constantly, I can just do whatever feels good. Some people can train that way, I never could. 

So, I don’t know if the bit of running I’ve been doing has gotten this blog back in my head or if I was just ready to publicly babble again. But I thought about the name…. and I guess it still fits. I’m still persistent about running, but I don’t define myself by it anymore, and so far that has been fun.