I'm now happily(?) starting week two of my taper. This week my mileage will be noticeably lower and my anxiety will be noticeably higher! Yay?
Where is my head at? All the heck over the place! Here's a little idea of what's going on in my taper ridden mind.
- WHY DID I THINK THAT A 50 MILE RACE WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?!?!
Sometimes dumb ideas are born in a drunken stupor. Sometimes they are methodically mapped out. This idea has been festering in my brain for years, like an incurable virus. When I found THE 50 miler I was ready to try it was three or four months ago. I had no idea I would be training in the arctic snow polar vortex never ending winter that we haven't seen in quite a few years. The distance seemed "doable". I was on some kind of high from a great year of running and this all seemed like a great idea. As the sub zero, treadmill, endless twenty mile runs continued I questioned every life choice that had ever brought me to this ridiculous decision. But I kept going, because I'm stubborn or crazy. Crazy Stubborn?
- I HAVE NEVER HAD A DROP BAG! WHY DO THEY STRESS ME OUT!
For some reason drop bags have become a source of massive anxiety for me. Why do they stress me out? They're just some bags placed along the race course with items I may need along the way. These bags are supposed to be helpful. I think a professional would tell me that I'm just focusing my nervous energy on the bags. What do I need to put in them? What if I forget to get something out of them? What if I can't find the right bag? What if a wild animal steals only my drop bag?
-HOW GIANT CAN MY FEET SWELL?
I did a race once and my feet were killing me when it was done. I asked my husband to rub them, and when he looked at them, he was terrified at how HUGE they were. That was a marathon.... Maybe I should take my shoelaces out of my shoes?
- TRUST MY TRAINING? HA HA HA GOOD ONE!
When I trained for my first half marathon, my longest run was 10 miles. Everyone told me that the extra three miles wouldn't be a problem. They were kind of right. Miles 10-13 were rough, but I got through them. Same thing with a marathon. Longest run was 21, everyone says the last five will be long, but you've got it. Again, it worked.... This race? Longest single run was 30 miles. Blind faith that the next 20 MILES are doable? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard or said. And yet, here I am...
So, that's where I'm at today. Not in total list making, packing, unpacking panic yet... but I'm getting there.