Decisions decisions....

This dumb trail race I was supposed to run in December! You see, it was scheduled to happen in December and then Indiana got hit with our first snowpocalypse of the year. Lots of snow and travel restrictions. I have to admit, when the race was canceled I was KIIINNNDDD of relieved. I didn't want to run it in a ton of snow, but I didn't want to admit that I wouldn't make the cutoff in a bunch of snow.

I few weeks later the race director sends out an email announcing the RESCHEDULE! Gulp. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be a race director that has to cancel a race. What do you do? I mean, we did all sign a waiver saying NO REFUNDS! I was secretly hoping they would just offer us all a discount on the 2014 race. And that was ONE of the options offered. They actually gave a few options;

-Run the race on the new date
- Get a little cash back
- Discount on the 2014 race
- Don't run the race, no money back, and hey, we'll even mail you your shirt!

This is where my internal torture started.....

I was ready for the race on the first weekend of December, when it didn't happen, my brain COMPLETELY checked out and I moved on. Then all of the sudden the race is back in the picture. Crap crap crap crap. Could I run the race? Sure. But I just wasn't sure that I wanted to anymore.

But then I did want to

But then I didn't

But then I wanted to more than anything

But then it was the dumbest idea ever.

Then I had that great 18 miler on perfect trail conditions in perfect weather and I was READY TO RACE! Then there was a giant snow storm the Sunday before. GAH!!!! This is why winter races in the Midwest are ridiculous. It could be 60 degrees in January or it could be a POLAR VORTEX!!!! Yeah, that happened next. Then it got a little warmer.

I kept thinking... those trails are going to be awful. They'll be snowy, icy, muddy, and slippy. But I just WOULD NOT let it go. Why was that? It's not like I was ever going to win the race. It's not like this was the BIG race I had planned. It's just a cool race. So why was I torturing myself over it? I mean, I wasn't losing sleep, but I lost hours of my life caring way too much about a stupid race. Because it's just a race? Right? There are zillions of races every year. If I don't run one race it doesn't mean I'm a failed runner. What to do what to do...

A few days before the reschedule, we finally got word about the updated plan. The course was going to change from a point to point (super cool!) to an out and back with loops (not cool). And that's all it took for me. I wanted to do a point to point race. And I had no interest in a muddy, loopy, out and back race. So I opted out. Just like that. And all of the sudden it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off me.

Why was it so hard for me to decide? Why did a course change make the decision so easy? I have no freaking clue. But I am so happy to move on. Will I register to run it in December?

Yeah, probably.... cause it could be 60 degrees! You never know?