Sunday, July 1, 2012

Chambana Half Marathon

Champaign/Urbana Half Marathon 2012

Ever had to poop about two miles into a race? Me either... until the Champaign/Urbana half marathon. Ugh

Girls weekend in Illinois for the race! The temperatures had gotten into the 50s and I was thrilled that I could wear my compression tights. I thought about capris, but my capris have no tie. So if the the rain came back and the capris had gotten heavy with water, well you get the idea. I mean I love a good race photo, but that might be too much. So compression tights it was! I had run long runs in them before, they were great! And they made me look super fast (I need all the help I can get)!

My spring race season had begun super crappy. A trail half that I had to quit due to a stupid ankle that would not stop rolling and the local half marathon that started with sore feet and ended with a crappy attitude. This race felt like some kind of turning point. It had to be good or else, or else, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE!

Anywho, race starts same as the others. Pretty course, good signs, nice crowd, tummy grumble. Tummy grumble? That's not normal. Whatev, the line's too long at the port-o-craps, I'm sure it's nothing.

Boy these compression tights sure do accentuate the grumbling. Perhaps the drawstring is too tight (yeah cause that makes a difference). Hmmm.... port-o-let line here is too long too. It'll be fine. No worries.

WHY ARE WE RUNNING BY AN EMPTY FIELD WITH NO PORT-O-JOHNS! There's one, but the line's too long. I'll wait. I'm sure the next ones will have a red carpet and a gentleman with a warm towel to hand me.

What if I have to take a dump in the middle of the road? All I have in my SPI belt are some honey stingers and salt pills. I can't wipe with those! Ok, if I have to take a crap in the road, I have to find something to wipe with. People are still shedding layers. I'll grab throwaway clothes! Hats will be too sweaty. Wait, there's an ankle wrap. An ankle wrap? Who the f is ditching an ankle wrap? Wiping with ankle wrap = ouch. No ankle wrap. GLOVES! There's gloves right there! Did anyone see me pick those up? Do they know I'm about to drop a deuce in someones yard? I'll just subtly tuck this into my bra strap and find a nice place to... WHERE IS THE PORT-O-POTTY!?!?

Oh there's one! And there are only two people in line! This is awesome. Weird that it's in someones driveway. Oh because it was probably a construction workers'... Boy are they going to have a surprise on Monday! Seriously, what takes these people so long?!?! Finally! No glove required. Whew. But I just lost five minutes of the race!

So what can you do? Well, I tried to make the race as interesting as possible. I knocked out a speed workout trying to chase down a friend that I saw breeze by as I was waiting in line for the pooper. It was fun! I finally caught her at mile 11ish and we had a blast shuffling to the finish together. It wasn't a PR, but... can it be aport-o-john adventure PR? Yes, yes it will be. A port-o-let PR! BOOYA SUCKAS!

1 comment:

  1. something like it happened to me on my second DINO race. Three loops of 5K and the first loop I had to go really bad since I had smartly drank an entire large cup of coffee on the way up to Indy. So I did have to stop after the first 5K loop and go...knocked some of my time off but whatya going to do??